


Little Britain: The Atos Assessor

by Sheogorath



Category: Little Britain
Genre: Atos - Freeform, Gen, Humour, Parody, Satire, screenplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheogorath/pseuds/Sheogorath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know the odious monotonic woman who lives to deny people services? Well, she's finally found a job in which such an attitude is helpful in this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Britain: The Atos Assessor

## Little Britain: The Atos Assessor.

Narrator: Carol Beer has returned to this sceptred isle after many years in the USA, and seems to have somehow found a job where her obnoxiously rude and unhelpful attitude is actually an asset.

Man on crutches walks into the room where Carol is sat in front of a PC, and sits down on the chair provided next to her desk. Carol takes one look at him and starts clicking keys.

Carol (laconically): Computer says no.

Man gets up with a little difficulty, then leaves, looking dejected.

Carol: NEXT!

A woman with Down's Syndrome walks in with her carer, only to be met with the same cold, instant refusal.

A couple of other people come and go like this, then a young man, who is a wheelchair user, rolls himself into the room.

Carol (without clicking even once on her keyboard): Computer says no.

Young man: What do you mean, "Computer says no"? You can see quite clearly that I use a wheelchair to get around.

Carol (in the same laconic tone): Meaning you're fully able to mobilise. Zero points. NEXT!

The young man tries to stay and argue his case, only for Carol to start a coughing fit right in his face, forcing him to leave.

Carol: _NEXT!_

At this point, the footage is sped up so that several people seem to be dealt with in a matter of seconds, some of them being coughed at, then it slows down again as another young man, this one probably Autistic going by the fact that he's stimming, enters the room with a woman who looks like his mother. Carol clicks some keys, then stares at the computer monitor in obvious surprise.

Carol: Fuck _me_! Computer says yes! I must have met my target for the day. I'm going home.

Man's mother: What about Anthony's assessment?

Young man (speaking flatly in _very_ correct English): Yes, what about my assessment?

Carol: Unum's LiMA software has awarded you the full fifteen points. Congratulations! I'm off now. See you!

Carol leaves the room, and as the camera follows her down to the ground floor and out of the building's exit, the narrator speaks again.

Narrator: One believes that this might be the first job Carol is able to keep, what with her clear preference for deferring every decision to her computer and her obvious willingness to stick to mandated targets. But then again, this _is_ Carol Beer we're talking about!

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright © 2013 Romersa's Protégé. Individuals and groups are free to copy and share this work for all purposes except large scale distribution, subject to credit being given and any derivatives being released under the same or a similar licence. All other rights reserved.  
> Adapted from 'Little Britain'; Copyright © 2003-2006 David Walliams and Matt Lucas. All rights reserved.


End file.
